intention.
So, I guess I’ll just come right out and say it: I’m seriously considering deleting my Instagram.
But also very much not considering it at all. The inner turmoil over this is REAL guys, and has been popping up in my brain enough lately that it’s time to address it. I’ve been without a functional Facebook for 7ish years now and have never once regretted cutting it out of my life. I still occasionally miss invitations to things and find myself in conversations where someone references a photo or post everyone else saw but me, but those things are small potatoes compared to how free I feel from that particular social tether.
Back then my reasons for breaking up with FB were the following:
I spend far too much time down rabbit holes that do absolutely nothing for me.
Checking Facebook throughout the day is sort of like opening the fridge over and over. You already know what’s in there, and checking it again isn’t going to magically make something appear. But you do it anyways.
I feel overextended in my social life and want my relationships and interactions to be quality over quantity.
The people I want to keep in touch with have my phone number and know where I live.
I don’t have enough time in the day to accomplish all the things I want to.
I find myself in both everyday and exceptional life moments thinking “I should post this” instead of just being completely present.
As I prepare my heart and mind for the new year and nail down my goals, I’m finding that this list is once again true with Facebook’s little sister, my beloved Insta. There’s something about the stream of pure visuals and the ability to curate a photo journal of my life that appeals to me in a way Facebook never did. I enjoy being able to look back on my stream of thoughts and share bits of myself with my family and friends, and I think it’s super important for me to have an outlet of some sort to work through my thoughts and feelings. But I can’t deny the inner struggle I face every single time I go to post something. If I have a lot to say in a caption because I’m feeling particularly insightful/sentimental/angsty, I’m afraid it takes up too much space and I wonder about my intentions for putting it out there. If I keep it surface level and post cute pics of the dogs with heart emojis and a stream of “Omg so cute” comments, I feel shallow.
If you’re thinking “Calm down lady, why does any of this even matter?” you’re likely not a textbook Enneagram Two, like me. Leigh Kramer hits the nail square on the head in her blog about Enneagram Two bloggers,
“Twos have a complicated relationship with social media. On the one hand, it connects them to people. On the other hand, it can seem too self-promotional and noisy…
A few Type Twos worried their writing would be perceived as depressing or self-indulgent or that they're the only ones who feel a certain way. They don't want to waste people's time. Twos report they are able to discuss past difficulties with little problem but are usually not able to share their present needs. Twos like being there for others; it's what they're all about. They wrestle with letting other people be there for them. Expressing negative emotions can feel quite foreign to them because they are more used to listening to others, instead of dealing with their own struggles.
Twos need to find the balance between being vulnerable and oversharing. They question what is appropriate to write about when, if at all.
…Twos have opinions and convictions but they don't like writing for shock value and don't want to add to the noise. It might take them a while to decide to share a particular story while they work through these things.”
I won’t bore you (for now, hehe) with how much I love the Enneagram, but I will say that every time I find something Enneagram-y that puts my thoughts and struggles into words as if I wrote it myself, I feel so validated I could cry. I have things to say, but I don’t want to add to the noise. I want to connect with people, but I don’t want to come across as self-promotional or soap boxy. Posting content and getting feedback in the form of likes/views/comments fulfills my root desire to be loved and needed, and sometimes it feels downright indulgent - dangerous, even. And hard as I try, when it comes to keeping up with my social feed, I’m not always sure I can separate things in my noggin enough to know where my true motivation lies.
I believe in social as a marketing tool. I believe in social as a valid way to connect and keep up with others. What I’m not sure I believe in is social as a way for Sarah to be her best self.
As I begin the next decade of my life, I crave intention. I somehow managed to stumble upon my dream career and I really want to be good at it. I want to be my best self for my business partner and my clients, producing work that I’m proud of and that actually helps people. I want to pursue my little side gig of selling patterns on Etsy to keep the whimsy inside me bumpin’. I want to be wholly present in my marriage and explore the world with my husband. I want to connect with my family and friends in a way that really means something. I want to pursue balance in all it’s forms, physical/mental/emotional/spiritual.
And I want to do all of it without a phone in my hand.
The older I get, the more it sinks in how little time I actually have. Not like “life is short” kind of stuff, more like I literally don’t have enough hours in a day to get everything done. I have these goals and desires and I know I have to prioritize them in order to accomplish anything worthwhile, and that means trimming the fat. Is my Instagram feed fat that needs to be trimmed, or a habit that needs more boundaries? I’m not good at boundaries, I never have been. I lack discipline and have very little willpower, preferring to do things based on how I feel. So do I continue to struggle and fight against my nature in order to keep this entity in my life in a healthy way? Or do I push past the FOMO and reach for that sweet, sweet freedom I experienced after cutting ties with Facebook?
Even after writing all of this out, here I am still weighing the pros and cons and desperately wanting some feedback. Have you ever thought about breaking up with social media? Do you have any tips for using it with intention? Would anyone read my ramblings if this blog is the only place they lived? Plz send help.
Love Always,
Sarah